Jails To Help Canadian Economy?

Opposition Wants to Know Why There is  Crime

At a news conference the Minister of Gangs, Laws and Investigations Bureau (GLIB) announced stiffer penalties for all gang related crimes, prompting the Opposition’s concern that there won’t be enough prison space.


“That brings me to the second part of the plan,” replied the minister. “Canada is in a recession and we need projects to create jobs.  What’s better than to build more jails?  In time we will introduce even stricter laws, we’ll need even more jails, and the construction will continue.  There will be a need for jail guards, administrators and eventually a dedicated Ministry of Jails that will have to be staffed.  These will be new jobs and these people will pay taxes.  So we’ll be creating jobs and supporting the economy while toughening laws. It’s a win-win all around.“


Opposition party leaders pledged support for the legislation, but were doubtful if tougher laws would really help.  “What about dealing with the gang member’s  childhood traumas?  Their challenges in school? Peer pressure? Bullying” asked one of the minority leaders.  “These are all areas where we can stop crime before it begins.”


“Anti-crime  counseling from K right through high school is essential.  By catching future offenders when their criminal experience and exposure is at a minimum will be a big step towards prevention.  We would send in teams of sociologists, psychologists and social workers from all ethnic backgrounds in Canada to promote a mix that is truly Canadian.  When it comes to crime, we want to be completely inclusive – no matter what the age or ethnic background of the potential offender. ”


“When we form the next government we will devote significant funds to find out what motivates a criminal, the influence of childhood trauma and whatever else may drive them to a life of crime.  We will create a new ministry of Criminal Research and Prevention (CRAP) to be responsible for all aspects of getting to the bottom of it all.  Once we know the reasons we will also know how to reverse them.  We’ll be in a position to offer job counseling to current gang members and help them find useful employment where some of their skills may be valuable.  We don’t want to be seen as wasting talent, wherever it’s found. ”


1 Comment

Filed under Canada, humor, politics

One response to “Jails To Help Canadian Economy?

  1. Let the hells angels take care of it

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